A good week behind me!

Last night I had all of my dearest friends over for some wine and appetizers. It was the right amount of people as everyone knows each other from living in the neighborhood. Even my friend Lisa was here, who is currently over seas in Turkey.  She was on leave for some Marine drill she had to do in Hawaii and then was able to finish early and came to hang with me for a few days. Perfect timing because I needed to just see her and hang out with her. No constant asking "are you ok?" "How are you doing today?" I understand people are concerned and care about me. That I get, and so appreciate. But when it's constant and daily, it REALLY REALLY gets on my nerves. I almost want to scream out I AM FINE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! But I know I'm not and I would never do this.

So, back to last night, it felt good to laugh, I mean REALLY laugh like I haven't in a long time. I think I am blessed a million times over to have the friends I do, SERIOUSLY!! You never realize how much your friends mean to you until you need them. Even if you don't do anything but just sit in the same room together and say nothing. 

Lisa leaves today and that is really going to make me sad as I know I will cry. Maybe not at the airport, or like I am now, but there is just something comforting and reassuring about having her here. Last night after everyone left, I shared with her a little bit more stuff that has surfaced around my brother's death, stuff that I guess I had so buried, that even I forgot about. I can see how  and why people bury things to forget. It hurts too much to remember. I am looking forward to speaking with Joanna again. It's been 4 or 5 weeks now and my nerves are starting to fray and I feel like I'm becoming unglued a little bit again. I know I can talk to friends as they always say I'm available. But it's different just talking and having someone listen. 

This weekend I will be in Laguna Beach for a wedding that Robert is a best man in. It will be so much fun and a great distraction, I'm really beginning to like these distractions, from my head. And the past few nights, my dreams have been very dark and unlike any of my normal weirdness. That's a whole crazy post on it's own. 

And, before I forget, a friend from the blogging days, Topcat, who has been such a great friend sent me a card. He and his wife and such sweethearts and they truly care, not just about me, but people in general. They've been following the progress on my niece, along with a few other people, but the past few times I've received messages, we just chat. I know he's been through some real heartache as well since his mother passed. I know that feeling all too well myself. 

So, as I so abruptly do this, I am signing off for the day, I still have to pack and I need to try to do it so my dogs don't see it. Yes, they go into a funk when they see my suitcase. I always hate leaving them, BUT, it's always SO much fun to come home to those wiggle butts and all the kisses. Yes, even the cat does a little dance around the legs.

Until next time (after the wknd), be good to each other 😍

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