Life is moving on.
So I seem to finding myself being a bit happier as the days move on. I know from the inside out, I am healing. Slowly but surely, I know I am going to be ok. And you know what? It's ok to feel that way. I no longer find myself feeling mad or upset at myself if I should start to laugh a little louder or a little more often. And I'm not crying like I was. I may get a little sad, eyes will water a bit, but it's not the heart aching pain kind of cry. I know Bill would want that. And I know I sure would. I wouldn't want someone to stop living after I have died. Life is to be lived. Life is hard and life is tough. Nobody ever said it was easy. If it was, I don't think we'd appreciate it like we should. And I thought I heard him not too long ago in the middle of the night. Someone shouted out my name and it sounded just like him. It wasn't Robert because he was out of town. Maybe he's telling me he's at peace.
Bill's headstone has been placed and I can't wait to see it next month when I go back for Christmas. I think the family and I are just going to go to the cemetery and do our own little thing with Bill's kids as well. It will be good to see them all again. I know when I get there, it's going to be tough and the tears will flow. But that is ok.
I'm still talking to my grief counselor and she's been an amazing help through all of this. I don't know what I would have done without her....SERIOUSLY! I can't thank her enough. I find that I'm talking about other things in general now, random things that just seem to pop into my head. It's reassuring to know that I'm not some kind of whack job...LOL!!! Although others may disagree. Sometimes I think I am, but I am what I am. Just an aging goofball.
Next week I have my Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk coming up and I am so excited for it. Year number 13!! Lucky 13? Maybe? See? I must be crazy to be excited to walk 60 miles. And, I'm already signed up for next years walk. I guess I'll keep walking until it gets too tough on my knees and hips. Yes, I am feeling it a bit more and more every year. One inspiration that keeps me going was the year that a lady pushed her wheel chair through the whole event. I was complaining about the rain and yet, here this elderly women did the walk and how every one gathered around her to help her when she needed was so inspiring. I see people in a whole different perspective after these walks. I like to see the good in every one.
My niece has her surgery scheduled for Nov. 21st. She's going to be having surgery to remove a larger section of her liver to remove the existing tumors that are left behind from her chemo. Keeping her in my prayers and hoping all goes well. And after she heals and there is no risk of liver failure, they'll go for the tumors in the lungs. That too will be just as scary as you worry about a lung collapsing, blood clots, infections....ugh! The last and final surgery will be the reversal of the colostomy bag. It's all scary without a doubt, and I'm not the one going through this. I'm hoping that her liver surgery goes well enough that she is able to come to WI. If not, then we'll head up to MN.
Well, I know there was so much more I wanted to say in this post, but it's that time of day for me where I just get tired. Man, I sound like my mother! I get it now, but then the gloomy weather and time change are not helping me either. So until next time, and I PROMISE not to wait so long for my next post.
Peace to you all!
Jillie
Bill's headstone has been placed and I can't wait to see it next month when I go back for Christmas. I think the family and I are just going to go to the cemetery and do our own little thing with Bill's kids as well. It will be good to see them all again. I know when I get there, it's going to be tough and the tears will flow. But that is ok.
I'm still talking to my grief counselor and she's been an amazing help through all of this. I don't know what I would have done without her....SERIOUSLY! I can't thank her enough. I find that I'm talking about other things in general now, random things that just seem to pop into my head. It's reassuring to know that I'm not some kind of whack job...LOL!!! Although others may disagree. Sometimes I think I am, but I am what I am. Just an aging goofball.
Next week I have my Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk coming up and I am so excited for it. Year number 13!! Lucky 13? Maybe? See? I must be crazy to be excited to walk 60 miles. And, I'm already signed up for next years walk. I guess I'll keep walking until it gets too tough on my knees and hips. Yes, I am feeling it a bit more and more every year. One inspiration that keeps me going was the year that a lady pushed her wheel chair through the whole event. I was complaining about the rain and yet, here this elderly women did the walk and how every one gathered around her to help her when she needed was so inspiring. I see people in a whole different perspective after these walks. I like to see the good in every one.
My niece has her surgery scheduled for Nov. 21st. She's going to be having surgery to remove a larger section of her liver to remove the existing tumors that are left behind from her chemo. Keeping her in my prayers and hoping all goes well. And after she heals and there is no risk of liver failure, they'll go for the tumors in the lungs. That too will be just as scary as you worry about a lung collapsing, blood clots, infections....ugh! The last and final surgery will be the reversal of the colostomy bag. It's all scary without a doubt, and I'm not the one going through this. I'm hoping that her liver surgery goes well enough that she is able to come to WI. If not, then we'll head up to MN.
Well, I know there was so much more I wanted to say in this post, but it's that time of day for me where I just get tired. Man, I sound like my mother! I get it now, but then the gloomy weather and time change are not helping me either. So until next time, and I PROMISE not to wait so long for my next post.
Peace to you all!
Jillie
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