Beanie Bits

First day of Chemo session 1 Hooked up and wired for sound wear her Dr. Feelgood t-shirt Chilling It's a great day to do some garden shopping Mother's Day and my birthday, a perfect day with my 2 favorite ladies A feeling' Willie good moment My niece Sally was diagnosed at the age of 35 with stage IV colon cancer, meaning that it has spread. Not just to both lobes of her liver, but to her lungs and some lymph nodes as well. She had been traveling for work, she had been feeling fatigued from the travel only this time she was experiencing some abdominal pains and thought she had been constipated. She had a long flight home in excruciating pain and spent part of the time in the airport on the floor holding her stomach she was in so much pain. She finally made it home, went to Urgent Care the next morning only to be told they were out of enemas. So they sent her to the ER and from that moment on, that's when all hell broke loose. Needless t...

Robert and I after the ceremony on the beach Warren, the groom and Robert My new friend Susan. What a great soul! Prewedding photo Newly wedded couple Warren and Elycia. Warren sporting Elycia's veil Friday night shenanigans Someone forgot their shoes...Brandon? The whole gang Nancy, myself, Nancy and Tiffanie "decorating" the bridal suite. More fun with the gag gifts One final laugh before we get caught...LOL Friday night on the deck with the Maid of Honor Samanth I can't tell you what a great time we had at our friend's Warren and Elycia's wedding in Laguna Beach. We all stayed at Seven4One boutique hotel that is open for events only. It's a very quaint and cozy place that was picture perfect even if we did have a few gray clouds hanging in the background. Everyone gathered Friday evening for tacos and cocktails after the rehearsal and the excitement in the air was just exhilarating.  ...

Last night I had all of my dearest friends over for some wine and appetizers. It was the right amount of people as everyone knows each other from living in the neighborhood. Even my friend Lisa was here, who is currently over seas in Turkey.  She was on leave for some Marine drill she had to do in Hawaii and then was able to finish early and came to hang with me for a few days. Perfect timing because I needed to just see her and hang out with her. No constant asking "are you ok?" "How are you doing today?" I understand people are concerned and care about me. That I get, and so appreciate. But when it's constant and daily, it REALLY REALLY gets on my nerves. I almost want to scream out I AM FINE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! But I know I'm not and I would never do this. So, back to last night, it felt good to laugh, I mean REALLY laugh like I haven't in a long time. I think I am blessed a million times over to have the friends I do, SERIOUSLY!! You never re...

It's a brand new day and a brand new week. And as for my emotions right now? I'm not sure what I am feeling. Today I just feel like I'm in limbo somewhere in purgatory. I have noticed one thing, I don't seem to be crying as often. But when I do, I seem to make up for lost time. One thing for sure, my husband has been my rock. I watch him feeling pained not knowing what to do for me. I know he wants to "fix" me to make me all better again. He gives me the space I need to heal from this broken heart. I don't know how I would get through this without him. I tell him "thank you" for just being there with me. Just sitting on the couch, not forcing me to talk about it. He's asked me a couple of times if I would like to talk about it. But it seems when someone asks me, my mind kind of goes blank and I just wouldn't even know where to begin or what to say. He just kisses my forehead and goes about my business and covers me with a blanket i...

It's kind of interesting, I'll see people after I had my tattoo done and they'll ask me is that new? I love it, but why Pooh Bear? So as I start to explain that I have this tattoo in remembrance of my younger brother, who's nickname was Pooh Bear, right away, by the look on their faces, I can see that they think they made a mistake by asking me about it. And they'll say they're sorry and sorry for asking. My reaction? Please!!!! Don't be afraid to ask, PLEASE ask! I love to talk about Bill. I want to explain why I have this. I have this for me and nobody else. I love it because I look at it a lot and Bill WILL always be with me. Maybe not in the same sense, but in my heart he will be. Lately my head has been just a complete mess. I feel like my thoughts and emotions are like those last few popcorn kernels in an popcorn machine just bouncing all over the place. I can't seem to make any sense of some things. I'm mad, happy, then angry, then I...

Monday funday and it's off to work I go! I hope everyone had a great weekend. I didn't get half the stuff accomplished that I had wanted to but I can always look at it from the bright side, at least I'm NOT a Vikings fan! Go Pack Go 💚💛💚

My current mood....feeling like ACK! I don't even know if that's a word or not.  My head feels like it's swimming somewhere else today and I just don't feel like me. I am beginning to wonder if I'll ever feel like me. However, I do know I will eventually, I have to be patient. I'm lucky enough to have a husband that is there for me. I know he is struggling too because he feels helpless and wants to be there and just doesn't know what to do for me or how to even do it, say whatever it is that needs to be said. But knowing he IS there for me helps me a lot. Expressing myself on my feelings has never been easy. I would rather write it out, hence the blog, or just show emotions. However, if I have to cry, I usually end up saving that for when I'm alone. But then there are times when I just can't hold it in. Then the flood gates open and then they shut just as fast. My friends all tell me to call them if I need someone to talk to. Sometimes it's jus...